If you knew how much I watch you sleep, you’d ask me to sleep elsewhere.
I woke around 5. The sun was just rising, light filtering through the gaps in the blinds. You were asleep next to me, facing away. I leaned over and kissed you lightly, just below the ear. I listened to you breathing softly. You did not wake.
I got out of bed, my bare legs exposed to the cooler air outside the duvet’s warmth. I walked over to the window and parted the blinds with my index fingers. The window was open and I could smell the morning. Below me I saw a young couple walking down the road, hand in hand. I decided they could not sleep, so quietly dressed and stepped out into the morning air together. Nobody would be around at this time of day and it would be quiet. They would stroll for nearly an hour, exchanging a few thoughts but mostly moving through the streets in silence. Then they would return home, climb back into bed and sleep until just before midday. I had walked in on their secret. I closed the blinds and went back to bed.
As I was about to climb in, you rolled over so that your head was just on the edge of my pillow. I slipped under the covers and lay so that my nose was almost touching yours. I would find being so face-to-face with anyone else quite uncomfortable, but not with you. I watched you sleep for a few minutes, feeling your warm breath on my face. Your closed eyelids twitched and I wondered what you were dreaming about.
I turned onto my back. Your arm was lying above the covers, resting on your side. I took your hand in mine and stroked it with my thumb. You still did not stir. I watched you sleep and thought about you. I thought about how I knew that if you were to wake up at that moment, you would smile, stretch and pull me closer. I thought about a normal day and having you there. I thought about walking down a busy street with you and holding your hand. I thought about my life before I knew you.
You stirred then, breathing in deeply and shifting your head slightly on the pillow, though your eyes remained closed. I watched you and thought about how much I love you. You turned over then, so you were facing away. I turned over too, so we were back to back but not touching. I closed my eyes, and dreamed about eating a meal in a restaurant with you, and then holding your hand as we walked home in the dark.
(Quote in title taken from ‘Sun It Rises’ by Fleet Foxes)